Red Bull. Celsius. Witches’ Brew. Alani. Ghost. Bloom. C4. Monster. Prime.
No, those words aren’t the code to activate a sleeper cell agent.
Those words probably seem to be a string of nonsensical phrases. And if you’re not in Gen Z, chances are that they probably will be to you. But if you’re a teenager, there’s almost a 100% chance you know that these are popular energy drinks, and a 30-50% chance you actually drink them.
Energy drinks are constantly handed to people on the silver platter of convenience. They’re everywhere. Gas Stations, Grocery stores, even some school cafeterias, because 75% of school districts don’t have a policy about them at all. They’re marketed specifically to the younger generation, with colorful cans emblazoned with even more colorful labels with even more colorful promises promising focus, energy and enhanced sports performance. To a high schooler, that seems like the panacea to all of their problems – AND they taste good? This must be heaven sent, right?
But, we must ask ourselves, good taste notwithstanding: Are energy drinks not the solution, but the issue?
We’ve looked at the front of the energy drink can; now let’s look at the back. I know, ‘tis a taboo and terrifying practice, but steel thyself, for it must be done.
On first glance, (or, perhaps, the second as the glaring neon colored sheen of can might momentarily burn one’s retinas) the immense proportions of added sugar are enough to dispel any notions of perceived benefit almost instantaneously. For example, if we took a look at the official ingredients for the Original Red Bull located directly from Red Bull’s website — which conveniently only showcases 8.4 fl oz, the smallest size available, though the sizes range up to 20 oz— we would see the added sugar content is 26 grams. That is an astronomical number for a small drink, and already over what the American Heart Association recommends for teens in a day.
Lately, however, people have become more aware of the negative effects of sugar and have been seeking alternatives. However, another pressing issue is often hidden in the supposedly “healthier” options. Zero sugar energy drinks like an Alani Nu are exploding in popularity, especially among teenagers. The low sugar content is especially attractive to athletes, who are already looking for healthy fuel options.
“But Marie,” some disgruntled individual might persist, “I got rid of the evil sugar. I’m literally being healthy.”
Well, my benighted friend: yes, there’s no sugar. But that sweetness has to come from somewhere, and this often comes in the form of artificial sweeteners, which hold their own host of health risks. For example, other artificial sweetened drinks like diet soda have been found by the American Diabetes Association to increase risk for Type II Diabetes by 67%. (It’s not only tragic and preventable, it’s literally six-seven.)
Those are all definitive problems. However, they are not unique to energy drinks: high sugar and substitutes are embedded into the food industry. The true nail in the coffin for the case of energy drinks lies in the nefarious mountain of caffeine content.
Caffeine, in general, is perhaps the worst thing besides smartphones to happen to already chronically sleep-deprived children.
The biggest thing that makes caffeine so harmful to developing humans is the disastrous effect on sleep. This deserves its own article, but teens need sleep, and a lot of it. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, teens are supposed to get around nine hours of sleep.
Now, we all know for most teens, and all their commitments nowadays, nine hours is an impossible number. That sucks, and we can have another discussion about why or what should be changed to fix that, but in the meantime that’s the way it is. And this makes any sleep at all even more valuable: and energy drinks ravage the paltry sleep teens can get.
To understand that, we need to understand the nature of caffeine. Once ingested, it takes about 15 minutes to be absorbed into the bloodstream. That’s the “buzz” people have become slaves to.Quick and easy energy right? Well, that energy doesn’t just get you through your task and then leave you unscathed. It stays in there for a long time because of a chemical component called a half life. A caffeine half life in action means that it will take 3-7 hours for HALF of caffeine to leave the body.
Let’s see how this works in a hypothetical. Billybob is a straight A student athlete. After a late night studying for his chemistry test, he feels sluggish the next morning and he takes an energy drink at 8 am. Let’s say it’s an Alani Nu, because he’s an athlete and he wants to be healthy. The caffeine content is 200 mg.
That means that by three o’clock, 100 milligrams of caffeine: the equivalent of a large cup of coffee will still be in his system. Coffee drinkers will know that drinking caffeine after noon already spells a sleepless night, so by drinking one innocent drink at 8am, you’ve almost guaranteed yourself a night of poor sleep. Billybob will get up the next day and be tired. So what will he do to wake himself up?
Shotgun another energy drink. And so the cycle continues.
The consequences of poor sleep? Sometimes fatal. Driving while drowsy can be as dangerous as driving while intoxicated, and is involved in up to 21% of fatal crashes. Poor sleep is also related to depression and anxiety. And to make the circle of energy drink’s final uselessness complete, poor sleep directly hurts learning and memory.
Energy drinks do not solve true problems. They put a smoke screen and gaslight your mind into thinking you’re alert when your body is screaming for rest. Energy drinks do not help your focus, help you “lock in,” help you perform better athletically or stay healthy.
Instead, they lock you into a self-defeating cycle of dependency against an addicting substance. It doesn’t benefit you. So, then, who does it benefit?
Having read in depth all of the harmful and potentially harmful components of the energy drinks, let’s take a look at the most important one to find our answer. The small, fine printed parentheses that say four crucial words.
Not recommended for children.
Not recommended for children squished on the back in the smallest possible font.
Huge, multi-billion energy drink industries spend top dollar to get entire generations addicted, because what do they care about the individual? These companies do not exist to help people. They exist to make money against all other concerns, risks and harms.
Red Bull. Celsius. Witches’ Brew. Alani. Ghost. Bloom. C4. Monster. Prime.
All of those billion dollar corporations, they all want YOU, the consumer, a cog in their machine that doesn’t even care enough about the welfare of children to change their policies.
Will you let them?
